


By The Fire

by relaxovision



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Femslash, Friendship, Headcanon, Prompt Fic, Sleeping Warrior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-30
Updated: 2012-12-30
Packaged: 2017-11-22 22:37:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/615130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/relaxovision/pseuds/relaxovision
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now that Aurora is always awake she's got a lot of time to think. And traveling through the woods will definitely change her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	By The Fire

**Author's Note:**

> This was prompted to me by anon, who asked: 'Mulan/ Aurora, based on Enchanted by Taylor Swift, please.'
> 
> First encounters can have a great impact on a person.

She sits by the fire and she doesn't sleep, because she never does anymore.

Aurora spent years trapped in a nightmare. She has no intention of going back, and the flames she's staring into right now are reminder enough of what would happen should she slip.

The night is dark and cold and she shivers. She clenches her jaw to keep her teeth from chattering and she tries to look anywhere but the heat in front of her, but there's nothing to see. Blackness blocks out anything Aurora's eyes could focus on, anything that could distract her. She doesn't even dare reach out her hands to get warm; too fresh is the memory of being burned over and over - again and again.

Instead she clutches her knees and she waits for the night to be gone.

.

She's not used to wandering through the woods. Actually, she's not used to wandering at all. Aurora is not used to a lot of things and now it's like someone had grabbed her, pulled her out of her inferno and thrown her into ice cold water. She's traded one hell for another.

Aurora doesn't mean to be ignorant, but whenever she opens her mouth she can see it in her companions' faces that she's said something incredibly stupid or annoying. When everything is new there's no knowledge to spread, no truth to tell. She wants to contribute and instead she feels like a constant burden.

She's treated like one, too: There's Snow who never even looks at her except when she's angry; there's Emma who once offered her her jacket – a token for the fragile girl among women. And there's Mulan, who doesn't judge, but who drags her along, almost carries her on her shoulders like some kind of treasure that needs to be protected. Phillip would wrap her up in safety, too. Aurora has always been stuck in a thick cushion of blandness and it's only dawning on her now how much of her life she wasted holding her breath in order not to be suffocated.

Now she's gasping for air and it's almost like oblivion falls from her eyes with every new experience.

.

Sometimes she feels like singing. Not that Aurora actually knew how to sing and even if she did, the occasion rarely calls for it.

But in quiet moments when she's sitting by the fire at night, trying to keep her eyes open, her arms wrapped around her knees, she thinks that a song would be nice. Maybe a little tune could force away some of the murkiness.

And then she remembers that the search for any melody is futile, because she's got nothing to sing about.

.

Over time she gets better at keeping up; she walks a little faster and cares less about cuts from various bushes and twigs. Her muscles are sore and she's always hungry. Aurora doesn't even recall when she had her last proper meal. But she bites her lip and walks on and every step feels like an accomplishment.

Somehow traveling at the same speed as the others and being able to listen to their conversation helps her feel less excluded, too. She's not a real part of the group, yet. But at least she's now up to date with where they're headed and what's going to happen. Snow and Emma talk about their family and about the past they never shared. They talk about a boy named Henry and they talk about Regina, who's called the evil queen – or was, once. They talk about finding each other and Aurora thinks how lucky they are, being apart and still united.

Mulan walks beside her now sometimes, too. Aurora knows that her designated guardian is slowing herself on purpose and that it's only a gesture, not an invitation. Or maybe it's even only a way of keeping an eye on her. It's nice, though. It feels a little less like she's traveling alone.

Aurora's tired - figuratively and literally. And she wonders just how many challenges one person has to face.

Being cursed, she thinks, starts at birth. Some people simply aren't meant to be happy.

.

Sometimes at night her mind drifts off into a stage somewhere between dream and reality. It's the only place where Aurora is safe, because she's not aware of her own existence and she doesn't know that she's not fully awake. She doesn't even notice time passing; it's like she falls but her eyes shoot open before she can hit the ground. Then her heart races and she's nauseous for a few moments before her brain catches on and tells her that she's still alive.

It's one of these moments, in which she realizes how little difference it'd make if she were dead.

.

No one ever asks her about Phillip.

Of course Aurora understands that everyone's got their own problems to deal with and their own journey ahead. And who knows what Mulan is thinking all this time. She must be thinking about Phillip, too, if they're as close as her fiancé insisted they are. Sometimes, when they're walking besides each other, Aurora is tempted to start a conversation; about the wraith; about Phillip; about where his soul might be now. She wonders if he's suffering as much as she is. She wonders if he'll ever be able to sleep or if they'll stay awake together.

It's only pride that keeps her from talking to Mulan, because she resents being looked down on and she hates being pitied. And she's definitely not going to give the others another reason to consider her weak. She won't ask for attention.

She stopped freezing, even though it's still cold. It's like ice has neatly enshrouded her bones now: her limbs are stiff and the tips of her fingers are numb; she can hardly feel her face. But she quit shivering, as if her skin didn't recognize the temperature anymore.

She thinks that maybe she's slowly becoming a part of the harsh weather, of the woods. Maybe she's vanishing, fading away like a constant background noise – like she learned to ignore the everlasting sizzling on her mind. Maybe she's learned to ignore herself.

.

She sits by the fire and she waits – she waits for gloom to make space for light, awaits the time she'll have to start moving again. And she wonders what new evil she'll encounter next.

The others are sleeping. Emma is snoring lightly and Aurora envies her only a little. She misses having dreams and waking up fresh and ready for the day. She misses sleep. Now that she's always awake she feels like a ghost; she's haunting the woods at night and during the day she becomes invisible.

She looks at Emma and Snow and wonders what it's like to have someone who always sees you.

"Your hands are red."

Mulan has taken a seat next to her and Aurora is startled for a second but does her best to not let on.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" she asks. Mulan shrugs. "Here. Take my gloves."

She doesn't have time to protest before her fingers are wrapped in warm leather.

"Thank you." she says and resumes staring into the fire.

"You should try and get some sleep."

Aurora furrows her eyebrows and doesn't look up. "I'm fine." she lies. It strikes her as odd how uncomfortable it makes her to talk to Mulan. She's known for good manners and attentiveness. Now her tongue is thick and heavy and words won't come as easy as they used to.

Mulan just looks at her. She's contemplating.

They sit together, for a while.

"You've become quiet." Mulan finally notes. "And faster."

Aurora's lips twitch, because she didn't think anyone would notice her little achievements and it almost sounds like a compliment. She doesn't respond.

"I was thinking," Mulan continues. "You should be able to protect yourself better. Maybe I could teach you." They look at each other then, and Aurora nods tersely. Her heart swells and this time she can't hide her smile entirely. One corner of Mulan's lips shoots up for a second, too.

"But you need to be well rested."

Aurora sighs. "I'm afraid that won't happen." They're silent again. She's always been the talkative type, but in a conversation she's usually the one to respond, not the one to instigate. She's not a leader.

"I'm having nightmares." Her voice is barely above a whisper and somehow she's scared of confessing to Mulan, or anyone. She knows that no one cares for what's on her mind; she's certain that revealing anything about her will be considered another one of her annoying traits. She could only ever talk to Phillip and even he was constantly busy fighting some war. She's always been on her own and yet she hasn't learned how to be by herself. The irony isn't lost on Aurora.

"How do you do that?" she finally asks. "How do you do everything by yourself?"

Mulan blinks a couple of times until there's an understanding flicker in her eyes. Being wise is just one more skill to admire about her.

"The hardest part is to know what you want." she says. "Once you do, you'll know how to get it. And there'll always be someone to tell you to give up." Now Mulan's the one staring into the flames, looking caught up in dark thoughts. "But you can never listen to them. You always have to focus on your goal. There can't be an alternative. There can't be anything else. You have to be focused and you have to be determined."

Aurora thinks about their first encounter; she thinks about how she mistook Mulan for Phillip's sidekick – a girl. And the thinks about how queer it seemed for her to wear men's armor – how she was repelled and fascinated all the same. Mulan is everything she was taught not to be.

She wonders now why it was such a matter of course for her to think of the woman next to her as weak. She wonders why everyone else in the group is stronger than her and she feels like a fool for buying into the obvious lies she was told.

"I want to be strong." she finally states, although she's not quite sure what she means by that. She rubs her hands together; the leather creaks slightly. Then she stretches her legs and takes a deep breath. "I want a home. I want to be able to sleep." It's like every wish she suppressed comes bubbling up now that she's started voicing them. "I want to be able to live in peace and I want to be respected. I want to be surrounded by people who listen and care. And I want to read and I want to see places I've never been before. I want to do a lot of things and I want to do them myself. Like you do everything yourself."

For a second she's embarrassed that she let all that come to the surface, that she exposed herself so quickly. But when she looks at Mulan beside her and the warrior smiles silently, she smiles back. "I don't want to depend so much. Is that too much to ask for?" Still, she only knows how to demand things from people, not life. She doesn't know how to be entitled to a future.

Mulan shakes her head, never dropping her smile. "No." she says. She leans back on her elbows and her gaze wanders back to the now crackling fire. "Obviously I can't give you all of that. But I can teach you how to fight. We'll start in the morning."

And for the first time, Aurora has something else to wait for, something other than just for time to pass.

Something to look forward to.


End file.
